HI Readers,
Again I am sorry for not keeping up on my daily blog, shish, I am fired. I will now be more on top of it!
I know we all use the excuse, "well ive been busy", yes well we can only use that so much. I met up with a very good, dear friend of mine since 4th grade, and I was talking with her, and I asked, " Why do we only get together like two times a year?". This is something I do not understand, I mean we all do it. When I get together with these friends, we always say yes lets get together more often and lets be more in each others life. But we never do, why is that? Are we that self involved that we lose touch with the friends we call closest? I do it myself. So I was thinking which I do often and I was tired of focusing on the little things, the things that will not matter in a year. These people are the ones that matter, the close friends that are always there for you, why do we not invest more in them? Invest in something good and life long lasting. My great friend is about to give birth any day, and I could not attend her baby shower, I felt horrible, and was it really worth the 64/8? No. I am driving to see her this week, even though its not around the corner, I do not care :) .
Life, man , I am not sure If I will ever get the hang of it. YOU are in control of YOUR life. Sounds simple right, but we always complain about things and whine and always seem unhappy, and trust me I do it all the time ,but then I say to myself, (people think there's something wrong, due to the fact I am talking to myself) I do not have to do it! I do not have to respond to drama text's, or freak'in face-book, when someone cry's that I deleted them. C'mon people, Its FREAKING FACE-BOOK. Sorry I felt the need that needs to be in caps. I hate face book, but hey here's an idea lets make a movie out of it. My face book now is strictly for business.
I am having a wonderful time at my grandma's, I am getting it done! It is my last weekend at Disney , thank goodness. I am excited for a new month, a fresh start and a new outlook on things. There is a lot to write but I have to go embrace the day!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Defeated
Hello readers,
Im not sure where too begin. I miss someone that was in my life, I wish I could be friends, but its past that point to where it is possible. Im not sure if I am meant to be with anyone. I think God created me to be single, till I kill over. It seems I just hurt people, I try to do good and be thoughtful, but things happen in my life, to where i wonder why did that happen? What did I do?
As of now I feel like whatever I do I cant win. My parents left today and I miss them. As of now I feel very alone, I despise that feeling. Where you cant turn to really anyone. Old friends are busy, your roomates are well your roomates, parents gone, brother doesn't even talk to me. It's hard, it really is. I try to be strong for myself but sometimes I just can't do it. I break down and fall short. Again not putting God first. It's like I don't know how to be happy. When I start something happens. Im at a loss in life right now, everything seems very bleak. I am being very open with all of you, not that anyone probably reads this blog at all but , hey, it's ok , we all get caught up in our lives.
The most frustrating thing is where you see in your mind where you want to go in life, and you can't get there it seems. Then you start doubting your purpose and wondering what the crap am I supposed to become, what IS God's plan for my life. Only he know's but man , I wish he would tell me a little faster. I need to get away, from everyone and everything. Im completly broke beyond belief but I just want to get in my car and go, no thinking, no planning, just go, go on an adventure. In "Through Painted Desserts" by Donald Miller, my favourite author, he shares his story on his travels and adventures, it amazing.
I miss my parents, I miss being happy, I hate when I am quick to anger and am short with people I care about, I really really despise that about myself. I always thought I was a good person with a good heart but people accuse me of such horrible things that are not true but why do they think that? What did I do?I always apologize after I have done something wrong and will admit, but I will never understand peoples actions or behavior. It's like should I trust anyone? Can you? It seems like just when you think this person wouldn't hurt you, they do. Is their any point to having any sort of relationship with anyone? That sounds horrible and I know God didn't create us like that , but, man, I can't do it.
Im tired of my crap. I want to go visit my very pregnant friend, I want to go to church with my best friend jenna that I have not talked to in a long time. I want my brother to show he cares about my life and hold a conversation with me, I want to be amazing with God, I want to not be short and get mad so easily, I want my patience back. I miss church. I despise being at this loss, I hate having absolutely no money, 20 dollars in my bank, im at work, and im falling asleep because im so tired, disney is retarded and charges 3 dollars for coffee, so I get some and then what happens, it gets knocked over. FML.
Life is one tough journey, but I want mine to be meaningful, and when I look back I want to be happy and accomplished something, and changed peoples life in a good way. I am an actor, I can and have the talent to act, I want to share that, but for some freakin reason it is the hardest thing, or maybe im not trying hard enough, but then I see these tools on tv and its like.....I don't get it. It is me, its my passion, I am the happiest when I am doing what I love. I just want when all the crap is falling down on me, and i cannot take it, im at a loss, I want someone to be there even just to sit with me to say its ok and we will work it out, im crying as im typing this. I have not been in such a loss.
I just want to do good for people, I want to share god's love, I want to show kindness, and thoughtfulness. I want to help people, share my talents. I wanna be like my Dad. He really is the greatest man. I am so blessed. He is the only person who has shown me what real patience is and what it really means to love someone. To be so unselfish, I envy that, I wish I can be more like him. He never asks for anything, ever, but he constantly pours his heart out. Even if the person doesnt deserve it. I want to be able to give back as much as he has done for me. I want to have a happy life. And it kills me when im short with my parents, I hate that, I feel so horrible, I feel ugly. This man has given me everything and more and im a brat because im frustrated with something insignificant . I want to change that, change my attitude, my outlook on everything. The only way is through God, it really is, we can't handle everything oursleves, we are not in charge of our lives, and I am so bad at turning to God for everything.
I miss being a little girl and going fishing with my Dad in mammoth, the tea partys my mom and I use to do. The thing I want most is for God to give me the strength to have a better attitude towards my parents, that's all, that's what I want most of all above anything. They really are my life, my supporters, my rocks, and their love will never fail. I am forever blessed with parents like the ones I do. I love them with all my heart and want to be the woman I should, that a Godly woman should be like. I honestly never mean to hurt anyone.....anyone. Even if they have hurt me or accused me of certain things, I never want to cause someone pain. Who are we to judge or say this or that, but we all do it. Humble. We are not humble to one another anymore. We dont respect others as we should. Even myself. Im sorry this is a long one but im just letting it all go. I have noone to turn to at the moment, but im listening to gospel in my room by myself, and crying, letting it go, giving it to him, cause I cannot do it, I cant.
Have a good weekend guys, more updates soon.
Lady Laura
P.S. Smile at someone you dont know :)
Im not sure where too begin. I miss someone that was in my life, I wish I could be friends, but its past that point to where it is possible. Im not sure if I am meant to be with anyone. I think God created me to be single, till I kill over. It seems I just hurt people, I try to do good and be thoughtful, but things happen in my life, to where i wonder why did that happen? What did I do?
As of now I feel like whatever I do I cant win. My parents left today and I miss them. As of now I feel very alone, I despise that feeling. Where you cant turn to really anyone. Old friends are busy, your roomates are well your roomates, parents gone, brother doesn't even talk to me. It's hard, it really is. I try to be strong for myself but sometimes I just can't do it. I break down and fall short. Again not putting God first. It's like I don't know how to be happy. When I start something happens. Im at a loss in life right now, everything seems very bleak. I am being very open with all of you, not that anyone probably reads this blog at all but , hey, it's ok , we all get caught up in our lives.
The most frustrating thing is where you see in your mind where you want to go in life, and you can't get there it seems. Then you start doubting your purpose and wondering what the crap am I supposed to become, what IS God's plan for my life. Only he know's but man , I wish he would tell me a little faster. I need to get away, from everyone and everything. Im completly broke beyond belief but I just want to get in my car and go, no thinking, no planning, just go, go on an adventure. In "Through Painted Desserts" by Donald Miller, my favourite author, he shares his story on his travels and adventures, it amazing.
I miss my parents, I miss being happy, I hate when I am quick to anger and am short with people I care about, I really really despise that about myself. I always thought I was a good person with a good heart but people accuse me of such horrible things that are not true but why do they think that? What did I do?I always apologize after I have done something wrong and will admit, but I will never understand peoples actions or behavior. It's like should I trust anyone? Can you? It seems like just when you think this person wouldn't hurt you, they do. Is their any point to having any sort of relationship with anyone? That sounds horrible and I know God didn't create us like that , but, man, I can't do it.
Im tired of my crap. I want to go visit my very pregnant friend, I want to go to church with my best friend jenna that I have not talked to in a long time. I want my brother to show he cares about my life and hold a conversation with me, I want to be amazing with God, I want to not be short and get mad so easily, I want my patience back. I miss church. I despise being at this loss, I hate having absolutely no money, 20 dollars in my bank, im at work, and im falling asleep because im so tired, disney is retarded and charges 3 dollars for coffee, so I get some and then what happens, it gets knocked over. FML.
Life is one tough journey, but I want mine to be meaningful, and when I look back I want to be happy and accomplished something, and changed peoples life in a good way. I am an actor, I can and have the talent to act, I want to share that, but for some freakin reason it is the hardest thing, or maybe im not trying hard enough, but then I see these tools on tv and its like.....I don't get it. It is me, its my passion, I am the happiest when I am doing what I love. I just want when all the crap is falling down on me, and i cannot take it, im at a loss, I want someone to be there even just to sit with me to say its ok and we will work it out, im crying as im typing this. I have not been in such a loss.
I just want to do good for people, I want to share god's love, I want to show kindness, and thoughtfulness. I want to help people, share my talents. I wanna be like my Dad. He really is the greatest man. I am so blessed. He is the only person who has shown me what real patience is and what it really means to love someone. To be so unselfish, I envy that, I wish I can be more like him. He never asks for anything, ever, but he constantly pours his heart out. Even if the person doesnt deserve it. I want to be able to give back as much as he has done for me. I want to have a happy life. And it kills me when im short with my parents, I hate that, I feel so horrible, I feel ugly. This man has given me everything and more and im a brat because im frustrated with something insignificant . I want to change that, change my attitude, my outlook on everything. The only way is through God, it really is, we can't handle everything oursleves, we are not in charge of our lives, and I am so bad at turning to God for everything.
I miss being a little girl and going fishing with my Dad in mammoth, the tea partys my mom and I use to do. The thing I want most is for God to give me the strength to have a better attitude towards my parents, that's all, that's what I want most of all above anything. They really are my life, my supporters, my rocks, and their love will never fail. I am forever blessed with parents like the ones I do. I love them with all my heart and want to be the woman I should, that a Godly woman should be like. I honestly never mean to hurt anyone.....anyone. Even if they have hurt me or accused me of certain things, I never want to cause someone pain. Who are we to judge or say this or that, but we all do it. Humble. We are not humble to one another anymore. We dont respect others as we should. Even myself. Im sorry this is a long one but im just letting it all go. I have noone to turn to at the moment, but im listening to gospel in my room by myself, and crying, letting it go, giving it to him, cause I cannot do it, I cant.
Have a good weekend guys, more updates soon.
Lady Laura
P.S. Smile at someone you dont know :)
Thursday, May 20, 2010
In the end...
Good evening readers,
I had a wonderful day! It started out not so good but thanks to my man, he helped fix it :). You know what I realized and always do when I go back, back to where I am safe, comfortable and loved. You could have all the friends, fame, money, everything but if you don't have a loving family or real people in your life that will love you and be there for you at the drop of a hat. You have nothing. It was Grandma Peggy's Birthday today. We have a great dinner out, I mad fabulous dark chocolate icing red velvet cake, (it was delicious, if I say so myself), and the famous mocha icing, angel food cake. I am a blessed lady. I really am. I am very happy in my life right now, things are going good, so far, its weird, ha, usually everything goes wrong for me, but thanks to a certain someone in my life now ;), and just stepping back from chaos, I am happy!
I don't want to get in over my head because when I do and I get too excited that's when I get hurt, usually. Im so tired so this isn't going to be long, but Im excited, not sure exactly , but just excited to see where my life is going next. What path. Everyday you wake up and at the end of the day it is completely different from how you saw it going, it's fun but not. Well Im off to take my strips out, working tomorrow at the disney, o man.
xoxo Lady laura
I had a wonderful day! It started out not so good but thanks to my man, he helped fix it :). You know what I realized and always do when I go back, back to where I am safe, comfortable and loved. You could have all the friends, fame, money, everything but if you don't have a loving family or real people in your life that will love you and be there for you at the drop of a hat. You have nothing. It was Grandma Peggy's Birthday today. We have a great dinner out, I mad fabulous dark chocolate icing red velvet cake, (it was delicious, if I say so myself), and the famous mocha icing, angel food cake. I am a blessed lady. I really am. I am very happy in my life right now, things are going good, so far, its weird, ha, usually everything goes wrong for me, but thanks to a certain someone in my life now ;), and just stepping back from chaos, I am happy!
I don't want to get in over my head because when I do and I get too excited that's when I get hurt, usually. Im so tired so this isn't going to be long, but Im excited, not sure exactly , but just excited to see where my life is going next. What path. Everyday you wake up and at the end of the day it is completely different from how you saw it going, it's fun but not. Well Im off to take my strips out, working tomorrow at the disney, o man.
xoxo Lady laura
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
O dear.... I've missed it
Hi readers!
My apologies for not updating as usual. I took a trip to hell and back but I'm doing better,a lot better now. Life is amazing. The tunnels you go through ,you fall a lot. People say when it has gotten so bad ,that is when something good is about to come. I can agree with that. Good things are going on right now!
I've been thinking a lot lately ,( I love when we sat that ,like we never think before) anyway , there are things I am trying to improve Somethings in my life. I am very excited for summer. I can feel good things are going to come. I am visiting my parents in July and I can't wait to go. To be closer to Gods creation ,where I can go to " Cranberry Lake " and read,pray,and just think.
I always think in my opinion it is always good to step out of the world you live in,or go back to where you started . It reminds you of who you are. When life is going crazy,you start forgetting who you are,go back. Back to where you came from,wherever home is,you can look for advice to your friends but go to people that know you,that have been through it all with you . People are fickle . People who are your friends now,will disappoint you and let you down. If your blessed with a good family go to them. I love going to my Dad for advice. He has this way of making everything clear and simple. Older people are wiser,they have already experienced it.
You know what I want to do ,I enjoy talking to older adults,like farting and they don't know it was them kinda old. It is amazing when they tell stories. About the war or when my grandma Peggy tells me she went to the premier of Breakfast at Tiffanys ,and saw Audrey . They take you on the visual journey. Or when they tell you about when they were young,their face just lights up! It makes them happy one because someone isn't forcing medicine down their throat and c. someone cares. We all know they are slow ,short,and dilusional but they were young once as well.
I am in a church right now on the WB lot and there is an amazing breeze coming through ,if only the annoying girls would stop talking ,o how the world would be better. Well I'll update tonight !
Xoxo Lady Laura
P.S. It feels good to be back
My apologies for not updating as usual. I took a trip to hell and back but I'm doing better,a lot better now. Life is amazing. The tunnels you go through ,you fall a lot. People say when it has gotten so bad ,that is when something good is about to come. I can agree with that. Good things are going on right now!
I've been thinking a lot lately ,( I love when we sat that ,like we never think before) anyway , there are things I am trying to improve Somethings in my life. I am very excited for summer. I can feel good things are going to come. I am visiting my parents in July and I can't wait to go. To be closer to Gods creation ,where I can go to " Cranberry Lake " and read,pray,and just think.
I always think in my opinion it is always good to step out of the world you live in,or go back to where you started . It reminds you of who you are. When life is going crazy,you start forgetting who you are,go back. Back to where you came from,wherever home is,you can look for advice to your friends but go to people that know you,that have been through it all with you . People are fickle . People who are your friends now,will disappoint you and let you down. If your blessed with a good family go to them. I love going to my Dad for advice. He has this way of making everything clear and simple. Older people are wiser,they have already experienced it.
You know what I want to do ,I enjoy talking to older adults,like farting and they don't know it was them kinda old. It is amazing when they tell stories. About the war or when my grandma Peggy tells me she went to the premier of Breakfast at Tiffanys ,and saw Audrey . They take you on the visual journey. Or when they tell you about when they were young,their face just lights up! It makes them happy one because someone isn't forcing medicine down their throat and c. someone cares. We all know they are slow ,short,and dilusional but they were young once as well.
I am in a church right now on the WB lot and there is an amazing breeze coming through ,if only the annoying girls would stop talking ,o how the world would be better. Well I'll update tonight !
Xoxo Lady Laura
P.S. It feels good to be back
Friday, May 7, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Your 80 years old......
Hello readers,
I am feeling deep right now before bed, so go on a walk with me.
Picture yourself years from now, maybe around your 80's, depressing right, but I am not writing this to depress you. Your sitting with a friend , any friend, and it asks you, was there anything you wished you had done, that you did not do. Now, that is a hard and frustrating question. When you are looking back on your life, what is it that will immediately bring a smile to your face. A memory that will always be with you. Can be anything.
Life is such a learning curve for me. The things we are concerned about, or argue about, or have to be right about . When you are sitting down with that person,in your depends, will those be the memories you think of right away? No, probably not. When you are arguing , or being stubborn, does it really, really matter? At that moment, yes, because we are in the moment, it is usually when we are alone, a few days after the fact is when we realize certain aspects about ourselves.
I am always striving to become better at something in my life. Content I never am, I can be doing this or doing that, but when I am old, walking around with my tennis balls, trying to find my car, even though they took my license away 10 years ago, but I forgot, will those tiny things matter. Our personal frustrations or things we think or feel we need to do because of the society we live in.
I have noticed when I am with family, or the people I know I can trust, those are the moments, they rare moments in life that you can never repeat . I love the Grandma Peggy, with my whole heart, I have always looked up too her. She will not be with me forever and I can barely even type that without tearing, but I need to make those moments count, because I will never get a second chance. When I am frustrated over something not even important but seems like it is at that moment, I would snap at my dad, the man who has given me everything, my rock, and I would snap at him. When he was just trying to invest in my life. After I felt horrible, immediately, horrible, he didn't deserve that, but because of my selfish ways, I hurt him and that is the most painful thing. I would always call back and apologize , I think I am good about that, I will be the first to admit when I am wrong. I thought if I am treating a loved one like that, it's not worth it.
I observe people a lot. I can read people well, people will do almost anything to get up in the industry,not everyone, but, people will walk over whoever they need to, to feel higher or important. Now go with me on this one, do you think when you are having that conversation, remembering how you hurt someone to get somewhere, will bring that smile? Not that I am saying we do this, but after snapping at my dad, I would think, he will not be with me forever and I do not want, when I am older to have that memory, when he was asking about my life and I was a jerk. As of now, I am fighting back tears. You wanna hit me where it hurts? Talk about my Dad. He is the greatest man I will ever know. He puts his life after mine, my brothers, my mom, his parents. Even when we don't deserve it, he will still show kindness and love.
I try to make him feel appreciated. God has given us a gift, life. We were meant to live for something more, Are you who you wanna be? Switch foot puts that nicely, I love listening to them when I am driving. When I am driving, that is my personal thinking time. There is much stress in my life right now. Who doesn't have stress? I have a roof over my head, I have a loving family, I have a mentally challenged dog, who is by the way going to hell for eating my bible.
Turn on the news, observe the people who have lost everything and didn't really have anything to begin with. People are buying breast implants, designer t-shirts that are 300 dollars because it has a label on it, fancy sunglasses, where no one can see the name brand and you end up dropping them anyways. C'mon, really guys. Do not get me wrong I love the purses, but I would never spend a couple thousand on one, you could feed starving kids in Africa!
Everyone should experience going to Kenya or Africa, a missions trip, where you have nothing, but the clothes on your back. Live in their shoes( if they have a pair) for a week. It would be the hardest thing, but stepping off that airplane back in sunny spoiled california, I bet you would look at every single thing different. Now I am not saying anything bad here, I am not talking down on anyone, please I screw up all the time and find myself whining because someone is driving 65 on the freeway, c'mon who drives the speed limit........ but yes, all these material things that we all spend ridiculous amounts of money on, they do not come with you in the end. They break, scratched, or damaged, God did not make material things to last, he made what needs to last , last.
That is one thing hands down I will never do. A family member, or a close life long friend needed me, I will be there, no matter what job or how much money, it is not worth hurting someone I love over. Sometimes we forget to appreciate. I do this all the time. Why do I complain about work, or driving or this store was out of, I didn't get to do this. You are a lot better off then the kids in Africa with flies on their face. I am not saying this to be comical , but seriously, I often feel like a jerk after that. I apologize , and work on not being stupid again.
Example, my retarded dog, now he is a smart breed, I personally think he has the brain the size of a pea. He gets put in my room, ( yeah), and destroys certain , one being my Bible. I spanked him like I have never spanked before. A bible..... really..... we are still not on talking terms as of now, but any who, Urban doesn't know, he is a animal that I leave alone more than I should. It is not my fault he is a little shack wacky. He did actually get electrocuted in New York.....We will talk more on that later, but he just wants love. Thats all we all want .
At the end of the day, your lying in bed, usually you are thinking about what occurred during the day, what you have to do tomorrow, but lastly, I think we all think about someone, in our life, anyone, and we go over things we wish we said or did, or didn't do, at least I do.
Everyday, I am thinking non stop, about life and how I wish I was or things I wish I didn't do, but at the end of the day, what happened , happened . You can't change the past, but you can work on the future. God is in control of our lives. I always have to keep reminding myself of that. Usually when everything is going wrong ,thats God way of hitting me upside the head, saying it's not your choice, I have already written your story, go and live it with me in your heart.
Today I found out I am getting paid to go to a male strip club for background. I don't know how to feel about that. I guess I'll leave you with that. More in the A.m., if I wake up in time, I get to go listen to high school musical a couple more thousand times...... such a awsome show........I just love it.....................................
xoxo,
Lady Lorelai
I am feeling deep right now before bed, so go on a walk with me.
Picture yourself years from now, maybe around your 80's, depressing right, but I am not writing this to depress you. Your sitting with a friend , any friend, and it asks you, was there anything you wished you had done, that you did not do. Now, that is a hard and frustrating question. When you are looking back on your life, what is it that will immediately bring a smile to your face. A memory that will always be with you. Can be anything.
Life is such a learning curve for me. The things we are concerned about, or argue about, or have to be right about . When you are sitting down with that person,in your depends, will those be the memories you think of right away? No, probably not. When you are arguing , or being stubborn, does it really, really matter? At that moment, yes, because we are in the moment, it is usually when we are alone, a few days after the fact is when we realize certain aspects about ourselves.
I am always striving to become better at something in my life. Content I never am, I can be doing this or doing that, but when I am old, walking around with my tennis balls, trying to find my car, even though they took my license away 10 years ago, but I forgot, will those tiny things matter. Our personal frustrations or things we think or feel we need to do because of the society we live in.
I have noticed when I am with family, or the people I know I can trust, those are the moments, they rare moments in life that you can never repeat . I love the Grandma Peggy, with my whole heart, I have always looked up too her. She will not be with me forever and I can barely even type that without tearing, but I need to make those moments count, because I will never get a second chance. When I am frustrated over something not even important but seems like it is at that moment, I would snap at my dad, the man who has given me everything, my rock, and I would snap at him. When he was just trying to invest in my life. After I felt horrible, immediately, horrible, he didn't deserve that, but because of my selfish ways, I hurt him and that is the most painful thing. I would always call back and apologize , I think I am good about that, I will be the first to admit when I am wrong. I thought if I am treating a loved one like that, it's not worth it.
I observe people a lot. I can read people well, people will do almost anything to get up in the industry,not everyone, but, people will walk over whoever they need to, to feel higher or important. Now go with me on this one, do you think when you are having that conversation, remembering how you hurt someone to get somewhere, will bring that smile? Not that I am saying we do this, but after snapping at my dad, I would think, he will not be with me forever and I do not want, when I am older to have that memory, when he was asking about my life and I was a jerk. As of now, I am fighting back tears. You wanna hit me where it hurts? Talk about my Dad. He is the greatest man I will ever know. He puts his life after mine, my brothers, my mom, his parents. Even when we don't deserve it, he will still show kindness and love.
I try to make him feel appreciated. God has given us a gift, life. We were meant to live for something more, Are you who you wanna be? Switch foot puts that nicely, I love listening to them when I am driving. When I am driving, that is my personal thinking time. There is much stress in my life right now. Who doesn't have stress? I have a roof over my head, I have a loving family, I have a mentally challenged dog, who is by the way going to hell for eating my bible.
Turn on the news, observe the people who have lost everything and didn't really have anything to begin with. People are buying breast implants, designer t-shirts that are 300 dollars because it has a label on it, fancy sunglasses, where no one can see the name brand and you end up dropping them anyways. C'mon, really guys. Do not get me wrong I love the purses, but I would never spend a couple thousand on one, you could feed starving kids in Africa!
Everyone should experience going to Kenya or Africa, a missions trip, where you have nothing, but the clothes on your back. Live in their shoes( if they have a pair) for a week. It would be the hardest thing, but stepping off that airplane back in sunny spoiled california, I bet you would look at every single thing different. Now I am not saying anything bad here, I am not talking down on anyone, please I screw up all the time and find myself whining because someone is driving 65 on the freeway, c'mon who drives the speed limit........ but yes, all these material things that we all spend ridiculous amounts of money on, they do not come with you in the end. They break, scratched, or damaged, God did not make material things to last, he made what needs to last , last.
That is one thing hands down I will never do. A family member, or a close life long friend needed me, I will be there, no matter what job or how much money, it is not worth hurting someone I love over. Sometimes we forget to appreciate. I do this all the time. Why do I complain about work, or driving or this store was out of, I didn't get to do this. You are a lot better off then the kids in Africa with flies on their face. I am not saying this to be comical , but seriously, I often feel like a jerk after that. I apologize , and work on not being stupid again.
Example, my retarded dog, now he is a smart breed, I personally think he has the brain the size of a pea. He gets put in my room, ( yeah), and destroys certain , one being my Bible. I spanked him like I have never spanked before. A bible..... really..... we are still not on talking terms as of now, but any who, Urban doesn't know, he is a animal that I leave alone more than I should. It is not my fault he is a little shack wacky. He did actually get electrocuted in New York.....We will talk more on that later, but he just wants love. Thats all we all want .
At the end of the day, your lying in bed, usually you are thinking about what occurred during the day, what you have to do tomorrow, but lastly, I think we all think about someone, in our life, anyone, and we go over things we wish we said or did, or didn't do, at least I do.
Everyday, I am thinking non stop, about life and how I wish I was or things I wish I didn't do, but at the end of the day, what happened , happened . You can't change the past, but you can work on the future. God is in control of our lives. I always have to keep reminding myself of that. Usually when everything is going wrong ,thats God way of hitting me upside the head, saying it's not your choice, I have already written your story, go and live it with me in your heart.
Today I found out I am getting paid to go to a male strip club for background. I don't know how to feel about that. I guess I'll leave you with that. More in the A.m., if I wake up in time, I get to go listen to high school musical a couple more thousand times...... such a awsome show........I just love it.....................................
xoxo,
Lady Lorelai
Afternoon
hi readers,
I'm sorry,crazy morning but dont you worry more to come. Just be happy your not sick at work
I'm sorry,crazy morning but dont you worry more to come. Just be happy your not sick at work
Afternoon
hi readers,
I'm sorry,crazy morning but dont you worry more to come. Just be happy your not sick at work
I'm sorry,crazy morning but dont you worry more to come. Just be happy your not sick at work
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Flowers
Morning Readers!
I am sick , I believe, I got the whole sore throat thing, throbbing headache, muscle ache but that could be due to kickboxing. I believe I am on stress over load, I am sorry I did not update last night. Man, a lot of stuff happened. Life changes all the time and I need to learn how to change with it, I guess. Well I need lots of tea, with honey that I do not have. Cough drops that I need too get, and sleep, much needed sleep.
I work a lot this weekend at my work, I am excited. That was random, anywhoo. The parents fly in saturday so that should be fun......for about a day. Mother's Day. Even if you "hate" your mom, which noone really does I believe, do something special for her. Call her, thank her for birthing you (ew), send flowers. I love flowers, I wished they didn't die. When I have money I would love to always have my rooms filled with flowers. Audrey did that in her home and she would actually have flowers set up in her hotel rooms to make her feel more at home. O Audrey. Such style. You do not see style like that anymore. Back then people carried themselves so much more respectful. They took time on a lot, such as getting ready, dinner, events, it was all about the presentation. Love it.
I do not like drinking straight tea. I don't care for it. Life is funny isn't. You have to love feelings and how they throw you around all the time. You think one way then you think another. Guess all you have to do is give it time and pray about it. This is my challenge this summer. Starting June 1st.... :) ......, I am reading the whole bible, everyday, I am going to tackle that sucker, even though my retarded dog ate half of it, (we are not on talking terms right now), I am going to do it, also have quiet time everyday, they say it takes about a month to get in the routine of something, so what I shall do is get my coffee and go sit outside and have my quiet time. I think it is very important , you know, to have quiet time , to clear your mind, to connect with God. I use to go on women's retreats and it was awsome. It was located in palm springs or somewhere with palms and it was such a great mental escape. When you have a day off go hiking, or to the beach, and just sit and think and pray. It will be a good experience and you usually get a break through or you see things different from when you leave.
Do not get frustrated with yourself if you feel like you are going know where. I am struggling with that right now. The industry is quiet right now but it's not just about the industry. What my thoughts are. Go do it! Just go, make your own movie, go take your own pictures, write your own script, make your own T-shirts! Do not wait for someone's approval to say, you got the look, the talent. Who are they? I want to do stand up, yes it freaks me out like a butch lesbian hitting on me, don't get me wrong lesbians are awsome but they scare the crap out of me, anywhoo, go do what your passion is, and sometimes that is when you get discovered by someone, or you get to make new friends, you never know in life, but go do what makes you, you. What is in your heart. You have one shot at life, make it count. I use to sit back and say yeah I could go but I do not want to. Now I do it, I try to embrace as much as possible. Small example, I want to go to a coffee shop and read or have a conversation with someone, but I keep putting it off. I love that, FYI, I will always love to go to a coffee shop and talk with you. About anything.
I also learned something, a life lesson sort of thing, yesterday, when I came home and my special Ed of a dog chewed up everything including my bible, he is officially going to hell now, but any way, I realized after I got upset and was upset at someone for putting him in there. After i felt horrible, that I caused a little bit more emotion than necessary. YEs we can get mad and say things when we are upset but we usually feel like crap after. God wants us to love on people, and maybe I don't want to to a certain person but we all screw up. Including me, I do it all the time, we are human, but what we do after I think defines us a little bit. Those things that he destroyed are replace able except my bible who was from a pastor and was in scripted with a personal message, but hurting someone is harder to fix. And is usually not worth it. You could say well he or she deserved it, o k well when you or I did something bad or horrible , how did it feel when the person showed you mercy. They forgave you, they showed God's grace. I have been a jerk to my Dad so many times but he still loves on me and provides for me and hands down will do anything for me , my mom and my brother, because he loves us, with his whole heart. Having a Dad like that, is the only way I know grace and mercy and Gods love. If I did not have a father such as him, I would not be who I am today.
xoxo, Lady Lorelai
I am sick , I believe, I got the whole sore throat thing, throbbing headache, muscle ache but that could be due to kickboxing. I believe I am on stress over load, I am sorry I did not update last night. Man, a lot of stuff happened. Life changes all the time and I need to learn how to change with it, I guess. Well I need lots of tea, with honey that I do not have. Cough drops that I need too get, and sleep, much needed sleep.
I work a lot this weekend at my work, I am excited. That was random, anywhoo. The parents fly in saturday so that should be fun......for about a day. Mother's Day. Even if you "hate" your mom, which noone really does I believe, do something special for her. Call her, thank her for birthing you (ew), send flowers. I love flowers, I wished they didn't die. When I have money I would love to always have my rooms filled with flowers. Audrey did that in her home and she would actually have flowers set up in her hotel rooms to make her feel more at home. O Audrey. Such style. You do not see style like that anymore. Back then people carried themselves so much more respectful. They took time on a lot, such as getting ready, dinner, events, it was all about the presentation. Love it.
I do not like drinking straight tea. I don't care for it. Life is funny isn't. You have to love feelings and how they throw you around all the time. You think one way then you think another. Guess all you have to do is give it time and pray about it. This is my challenge this summer. Starting June 1st.... :) ......, I am reading the whole bible, everyday, I am going to tackle that sucker, even though my retarded dog ate half of it, (we are not on talking terms right now), I am going to do it, also have quiet time everyday, they say it takes about a month to get in the routine of something, so what I shall do is get my coffee and go sit outside and have my quiet time. I think it is very important , you know, to have quiet time , to clear your mind, to connect with God. I use to go on women's retreats and it was awsome. It was located in palm springs or somewhere with palms and it was such a great mental escape. When you have a day off go hiking, or to the beach, and just sit and think and pray. It will be a good experience and you usually get a break through or you see things different from when you leave.
Do not get frustrated with yourself if you feel like you are going know where. I am struggling with that right now. The industry is quiet right now but it's not just about the industry. What my thoughts are. Go do it! Just go, make your own movie, go take your own pictures, write your own script, make your own T-shirts! Do not wait for someone's approval to say, you got the look, the talent. Who are they? I want to do stand up, yes it freaks me out like a butch lesbian hitting on me, don't get me wrong lesbians are awsome but they scare the crap out of me, anywhoo, go do what your passion is, and sometimes that is when you get discovered by someone, or you get to make new friends, you never know in life, but go do what makes you, you. What is in your heart. You have one shot at life, make it count. I use to sit back and say yeah I could go but I do not want to. Now I do it, I try to embrace as much as possible. Small example, I want to go to a coffee shop and read or have a conversation with someone, but I keep putting it off. I love that, FYI, I will always love to go to a coffee shop and talk with you. About anything.
I also learned something, a life lesson sort of thing, yesterday, when I came home and my special Ed of a dog chewed up everything including my bible, he is officially going to hell now, but any way, I realized after I got upset and was upset at someone for putting him in there. After i felt horrible, that I caused a little bit more emotion than necessary. YEs we can get mad and say things when we are upset but we usually feel like crap after. God wants us to love on people, and maybe I don't want to to a certain person but we all screw up. Including me, I do it all the time, we are human, but what we do after I think defines us a little bit. Those things that he destroyed are replace able except my bible who was from a pastor and was in scripted with a personal message, but hurting someone is harder to fix. And is usually not worth it. You could say well he or she deserved it, o k well when you or I did something bad or horrible , how did it feel when the person showed you mercy. They forgave you, they showed God's grace. I have been a jerk to my Dad so many times but he still loves on me and provides for me and hands down will do anything for me , my mom and my brother, because he loves us, with his whole heart. Having a Dad like that, is the only way I know grace and mercy and Gods love. If I did not have a father such as him, I would not be who I am today.
xoxo, Lady Lorelai
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Morning!
Well hello my readers,
Do you ever feel your are up against everybody and their mom? That's cause we are, if you are a real human then no your not, meaning your not a "actor" in the industry. So many people want to be in this business. Ok I know touchy subject to jump start the morning, but seriously guys. I never call myself an actor around people I do not know because unfortunately that word is meaningless now in my opinion. God gave everyone a gift, maybe not Paris Hilton, but o hey speaking of special Paris, she is good for helping me prove my point. Talent......clearly not necessary to be on television. Why is she famous,o yes because she is "Hot". Ok well have fun with that.
My passion is stage, I think that is where it is at. If you want to learn more about acting get on a stage and perform in a play. When you mess up, it's just you baby, there is no stand in, no cut, no editing. I love it. I love creating a character and becoming one with it. I miss that world so badly, there are days when I get so frustrated because I am wondering what am I doing, why am I trying to get somewhere and I feel like I just keep running into a wall. I need to asap go to french store and stay there and read plays , all day, finding good monologues. Even though now it seems you don't need one, everything is over the computer but when auditioning for plays it is usually required to have some under your belt.
Stand up. That is the one thing that freaks me out. I want to do it so bad, but first I need to go to shows and watch stand up comedians. I do not think I am funny at all but I do have this sense of humor that people find funny. Because I am a dork and make fun of myself and i do not really care what people think of me, they are going to think what they want no matter what. Why worry about people you will never know and what they think. Anyways... stand up. I need to one night just randomly do it, just walk straight in, go to the bar, and say..."milkshake... chocolate", it slides down across the bar, I miss it as it go flying off the bar and falls, but i stay cool, calm, and collected, then I say thats my cue, I walk up to the mic, it is already in use so I go sit down. He is now done, I then walk up to the mic and I just own it. What's the worst that can happen, they don't laugh well, can't win them all, but I can sure try. I believe women will think I am freaking hysterical, if I choose the topic of men, and how they are just ........ brilliant people, yes, yes that was the word I was going to use...........
Well looks like another beautiful day! I need to go see kick ass. I also need to go kick some ass, so more updates later!
xoxo, lady Lorelai
Do you ever feel your are up against everybody and their mom? That's cause we are, if you are a real human then no your not, meaning your not a "actor" in the industry. So many people want to be in this business. Ok I know touchy subject to jump start the morning, but seriously guys. I never call myself an actor around people I do not know because unfortunately that word is meaningless now in my opinion. God gave everyone a gift, maybe not Paris Hilton, but o hey speaking of special Paris, she is good for helping me prove my point. Talent......clearly not necessary to be on television. Why is she famous,o yes because she is "Hot". Ok well have fun with that.
My passion is stage, I think that is where it is at. If you want to learn more about acting get on a stage and perform in a play. When you mess up, it's just you baby, there is no stand in, no cut, no editing. I love it. I love creating a character and becoming one with it. I miss that world so badly, there are days when I get so frustrated because I am wondering what am I doing, why am I trying to get somewhere and I feel like I just keep running into a wall. I need to asap go to french store and stay there and read plays , all day, finding good monologues. Even though now it seems you don't need one, everything is over the computer but when auditioning for plays it is usually required to have some under your belt.
Stand up. That is the one thing that freaks me out. I want to do it so bad, but first I need to go to shows and watch stand up comedians. I do not think I am funny at all but I do have this sense of humor that people find funny. Because I am a dork and make fun of myself and i do not really care what people think of me, they are going to think what they want no matter what. Why worry about people you will never know and what they think. Anyways... stand up. I need to one night just randomly do it, just walk straight in, go to the bar, and say..."milkshake... chocolate", it slides down across the bar, I miss it as it go flying off the bar and falls, but i stay cool, calm, and collected, then I say thats my cue, I walk up to the mic, it is already in use so I go sit down. He is now done, I then walk up to the mic and I just own it. What's the worst that can happen, they don't laugh well, can't win them all, but I can sure try. I believe women will think I am freaking hysterical, if I choose the topic of men, and how they are just ........ brilliant people, yes, yes that was the word I was going to use...........
Well looks like another beautiful day! I need to go see kick ass. I also need to go kick some ass, so more updates later!
xoxo, lady Lorelai
Monday, May 3, 2010
New Week
Morning!
A new wekk, and wondering what things it will bring. Lately I have been happy. I am still trying to figure out why. I have some ideas , but I am still juggling them! I think one of the biggest reasons is I am finding out who I am and owning it. If someone doesn't like it, I don't care and it is their loss. I won't get mad, it's their opinion. Just like oil and water , things just don't mix.
I also feel great when I get things acomplished. The things I always talk about doing and never do. It is a beautiful day today! I hope you enjoy how much I bounce around in my blogs. Another thing I think is I am trying to work on my relationship with God. It use to be so strong and as we all do, I strayed away. Putting myslef first, only thinking of myself, I was trying to be in control of my life and it really isn't about that. i would always get down on myself or think I wasn't doing anything with my time if I wasn't working on my career every second, but you have to enjoy other things in life that God gave us. Friends, I have hung out with my roomates and their friends and I met really great people. I think that is great, when you make that connection with someone that you can all hang out with in the summer or movie nights!
My friend, good friend is about to have a baby and her baby shower is coming up. I started thinking of how amazing that is. She is going to bring a new life into the world and nurture it and love on it and will do anything for it, sorry her. She will always put the baby first. Before herself, always. That is such a huge sacrifice, and such a blessing to be able to do that. Her and her husband are about to embark on a whole new adventure and thats so exciting. Now me on the other hand, I cannot even handle Urban. My 2 year old puppy. He drives me crazy, crazy, but I love him, he is my baby. Not that those comparisons are even near being close to each other, but you get where I am going with this.
I am very excited for summer! I am visiting the parents in July for a week and it is going to be beautiful in Washington. I love nature, I feel like I am hanging out with God, I am closer to him. When life is getting crazy and I am losing my mind and forgetting who I am , I try and go to the beach or a lake, somewhere where it is not man made. I just sit, and look and think. I believe you really connect with yourself and your maker. Things I am pushing myself to work on is patience, which i already mentioned and my finances. O boy, do I need to finance better. Tithing , is something I don't do on a regular basis. I need to start attending a church in LA, but I have not yet found one. i was made fun of for impulse buying which is true but I always come to my senses after return it, at least I acknowledge it. P.S. I am trying to bring more color to my life, so sorry for the color happy.
Today and I getting her done. Errands my friends, errands. All those things I mentioned I keep putting off, not anymore. You really have to be disciplined if you want to get anywhere, I have noticed. For example my career. Since moving to LA, I have been a very hard worker. Always working when I was not working. Something started distracting me, not in a bad way but I lost sight of what I wanted and what my original plan was. That distraction is not one anymore, it is hard but I like that I am getting back on my path. When you go into a relationship I believe you both need to be string with your life and what you want but also let the other know your there, thinking of them and looking forward to the next time you see them. I think it is important that even though you are not physically with them, you still know they are there.
I apologize for not blogging. I blog in the am and then the pm . This weekend was great but busy. A great friend left yesterday for the summer so we were all getting out time in with him. But do not worry, we have not seen the last of him! Another thing that is helping with my stress, I know, random, but the music I listen to, I have been exploring classical music. I love it, I love how you can see a picture through the movement of the piece. It is like a story, and you go through the story as you listen. I know in todays world we are all supposed to listen to crap, but if you go back way back, that is where it started, that is music to my ears, the music, movies, people, who have left this world but their talent had stayed behind even till this day, that is when you know they were wonderful, they had talent, and it was classic. Do you think we will give a crap about lady gaga or whoever is famous due to technology in 10 years? I won't, but look at Frank, Martin, and my favourite "Audrey", yes she gets quotes. They have been with us for God knows how long.
Well the day is beautiful and waiting for me to embrace it. I am off but more later this evening and back to my regular blogging schedule. Pick a flower today and give it to someone who needs it!
xoxo,
Lady Lorelai
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Im not sure exactly
Howdy readers,
Not much at the moment due to brain overload. Made fabulous cupcakes for tomorrow evening, I hope everyone enjoys them. I def. am going to bake a lot this summer. Also challenge myself in many ways, Ill let you know how that works out. Much love.
Lady Lorelai
Not much at the moment due to brain overload. Made fabulous cupcakes for tomorrow evening, I hope everyone enjoys them. I def. am going to bake a lot this summer. Also challenge myself in many ways, Ill let you know how that works out. Much love.
Lady Lorelai
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