Hello readers,
I am feeling deep right now before bed, so go on a walk with me.
Picture yourself years from now, maybe around your 80's, depressing right, but I am not writing this to depress you. Your sitting with a friend , any friend, and it asks you, was there anything you wished you had done, that you did not do. Now, that is a hard and frustrating question. When you are looking back on your life, what is it that will immediately bring a smile to your face. A memory that will always be with you. Can be anything.
Life is such a learning curve for me. The things we are concerned about, or argue about, or have to be right about . When you are sitting down with that person,in your depends, will those be the memories you think of right away? No, probably not. When you are arguing , or being stubborn, does it really, really matter? At that moment, yes, because we are in the moment, it is usually when we are alone, a few days after the fact is when we realize certain aspects about ourselves.
I am always striving to become better at something in my life. Content I never am, I can be doing this or doing that, but when I am old, walking around with my tennis balls, trying to find my car, even though they took my license away 10 years ago, but I forgot, will those tiny things matter. Our personal frustrations or things we think or feel we need to do because of the society we live in.
I have noticed when I am with family, or the people I know I can trust, those are the moments, they rare moments in life that you can never repeat . I love the Grandma Peggy, with my whole heart, I have always looked up too her. She will not be with me forever and I can barely even type that without tearing, but I need to make those moments count, because I will never get a second chance. When I am frustrated over something not even important but seems like it is at that moment, I would snap at my dad, the man who has given me everything, my rock, and I would snap at him. When he was just trying to invest in my life. After I felt horrible, immediately, horrible, he didn't deserve that, but because of my selfish ways, I hurt him and that is the most painful thing. I would always call back and apologize , I think I am good about that, I will be the first to admit when I am wrong. I thought if I am treating a loved one like that, it's not worth it.
I observe people a lot. I can read people well, people will do almost anything to get up in the industry,not everyone, but, people will walk over whoever they need to, to feel higher or important. Now go with me on this one, do you think when you are having that conversation, remembering how you hurt someone to get somewhere, will bring that smile? Not that I am saying we do this, but after snapping at my dad, I would think, he will not be with me forever and I do not want, when I am older to have that memory, when he was asking about my life and I was a jerk. As of now, I am fighting back tears. You wanna hit me where it hurts? Talk about my Dad. He is the greatest man I will ever know. He puts his life after mine, my brothers, my mom, his parents. Even when we don't deserve it, he will still show kindness and love.
I try to make him feel appreciated. God has given us a gift, life. We were meant to live for something more, Are you who you wanna be? Switch foot puts that nicely, I love listening to them when I am driving. When I am driving, that is my personal thinking time. There is much stress in my life right now. Who doesn't have stress? I have a roof over my head, I have a loving family, I have a mentally challenged dog, who is by the way going to hell for eating my bible.
Turn on the news, observe the people who have lost everything and didn't really have anything to begin with. People are buying breast implants, designer t-shirts that are 300 dollars because it has a label on it, fancy sunglasses, where no one can see the name brand and you end up dropping them anyways. C'mon, really guys. Do not get me wrong I love the purses, but I would never spend a couple thousand on one, you could feed starving kids in Africa!
Everyone should experience going to Kenya or Africa, a missions trip, where you have nothing, but the clothes on your back. Live in their shoes( if they have a pair) for a week. It would be the hardest thing, but stepping off that airplane back in sunny spoiled california, I bet you would look at every single thing different. Now I am not saying anything bad here, I am not talking down on anyone, please I screw up all the time and find myself whining because someone is driving 65 on the freeway, c'mon who drives the speed limit........ but yes, all these material things that we all spend ridiculous amounts of money on, they do not come with you in the end. They break, scratched, or damaged, God did not make material things to last, he made what needs to last , last.
That is one thing hands down I will never do. A family member, or a close life long friend needed me, I will be there, no matter what job or how much money, it is not worth hurting someone I love over. Sometimes we forget to appreciate. I do this all the time. Why do I complain about work, or driving or this store was out of, I didn't get to do this. You are a lot better off then the kids in Africa with flies on their face. I am not saying this to be comical , but seriously, I often feel like a jerk after that. I apologize , and work on not being stupid again.
Example, my retarded dog, now he is a smart breed, I personally think he has the brain the size of a pea. He gets put in my room, ( yeah), and destroys certain , one being my Bible. I spanked him like I have never spanked before. A bible..... really..... we are still not on talking terms as of now, but any who, Urban doesn't know, he is a animal that I leave alone more than I should. It is not my fault he is a little shack wacky. He did actually get electrocuted in New York.....We will talk more on that later, but he just wants love. Thats all we all want .
At the end of the day, your lying in bed, usually you are thinking about what occurred during the day, what you have to do tomorrow, but lastly, I think we all think about someone, in our life, anyone, and we go over things we wish we said or did, or didn't do, at least I do.
Everyday, I am thinking non stop, about life and how I wish I was or things I wish I didn't do, but at the end of the day, what happened , happened . You can't change the past, but you can work on the future. God is in control of our lives. I always have to keep reminding myself of that. Usually when everything is going wrong ,thats God way of hitting me upside the head, saying it's not your choice, I have already written your story, go and live it with me in your heart.
Today I found out I am getting paid to go to a male strip club for background. I don't know how to feel about that. I guess I'll leave you with that. More in the A.m., if I wake up in time, I get to go listen to high school musical a couple more thousand times...... such a awsome show........I just love it.....................................
xoxo,
Lady Lorelai
