It's always at night isn't it. The time where feelings come over us, whether they are good or bad, all our thoughts come rolling in. We miss loved one's who are gone, relationships that have ended or just a person you wish would just drive to see you just to say Goodnight. Night time is tough for me. I try to not let it be. "This too shall pass", as they say. I pray and I know,one day I will go to bed at peace, no worry,stress,fear,or doubt. One day I hope next to me is my husband who loves me unconditionally. Who cannot imagine a second without me in his life. It's hard and sad for me sometimes because I feel people have lost the true meaning of unconditional Love. God's love is unconditional, he will always be there to pick us up. O boy do I need to pick fork lifted up. My favorite verse is 1 Corinthians. 13:4-7. That is love.
I had a great night tonight at work actually. Chuck is our pianist at the restaurant. I requested "Love story",and he played it beautifully. He is very nice man and plays my favourite. It was funny a boy,yes he's older but I am going to call him a boy who is trying to take me out for whatever reason and he keeps asking,and I went up to him and said, "If you can name this song, we can hang out". Knowing he would night guess it. Sadly because this day and age its hard to find a man who appreciates the old,timeless classics. When music actually meant something. Filled with promise and love. Gershwin, Rogers and Hammer-stein,They are masterpieces. The song was music of the Night. If you don't know what I am talking about, I am sorry.
Everything was performed so elegantly back then. I guess that's why it's hard for me. I don't want to settle for this day and age kind a guy. I want to be with a Mr. Knightly,or a Bingley. Growing up on all those classics, that is what did it. If you watch the older movies, which not a lot of people appreciate anymore, that's where it is. How a gentlemen acts. Just thinking about it is exciting. It romance, persuasion,love.
It seems today everyone's priorities are very different. I am talking about everyone here, I am never talking down or judging,reader's please always know that. I am no better then the next one, all I am saying is people had more respect for themselves. Today is you tell a man you do not want to have sex till your married, he's gone faster than a chocolate bar at a fat camp. Yes, having that connection is good but what happens when the excitement and the lust goes away. It's very much on the surface. I want to know a mans heart. His true intentions. One day I will be old,with wrinkles,I want a man who will still look at me as when we first met when we were young. Like the elder couple I wrote about earlier.
The couple that are members at my restaurant were dining tonight and it was such a joy to see them. They made my night. They asked how I was doing and had to relay some not good news and how life is tough right now, and they felt so bad for me, and gave their support. They are the type of people you don't meet very often. Genuine people, you feel like you have known them forever. Who will sit and talk with you and support you. That's so refreshing to have in your life.
My real goal is to get to the point where I don't even think about a man. I will not rely on him,or worry about if I ever find one. I have been praying a lot for God to give me strength. It's in his plan what he has for me. Guys have always been such a priority, more than they should be and I am tired of it. I am tired of feeling like I have to fight for a guy if he doesn't like something or is backing away. Im done. For once I don't care and it is great! If you go away or pout or are dramatic then go, your doing me a favor. Everyone says the man who truly loves you will not run away, no matter what. I always felt like I had to put up with it. A guy not calling when he says he will. He does that, he is cut. I am sorry may sound harsh but no thanks, Ill wait for the man who can't wait to hear my voice. Also I am the person who if I say I am going to do something. I am going to do it. No matter what. I am so tired of people saying things and don't follow through. Don't say stuff just to say it, it hurts you in the end. My Dad has been the only man in my life who has never..... Never let me down. That is the kind of man any woman should want. My dad is the perfect example of how a man should be. Grant it he is not perfect, no one is and we all make mistakes.
I also need to except some things are out of our control. People are who they are and you don't have to blame or punish them, you just move on.
