I miss my Dad. I miss when everything was ok, your biggest worry is when sesame street is on next. I wish I had listened when they said enjoy it while your young. I only just now understand that. It seems its hard to "enjoy things now". I find myself worried all the time. it is just part of my daily routine.
I sometimes feel disappointed in myself that I get to that point. Life is tough, its alot more tough when you feel alone, I am blessed to have a very supportive family, but even friends that I thought were very close, are not my friends anymore. When someone in your life hurts you or falls out of you life, do you just move on, or get hurt, mad? I guess it quicker to just except it and move on.
Today was my roomates birthday and I had fun with my friends. it felt nice to be around people who like me and dont think horrible things about me. i think that is the most disapointing thing. When something is going on that isnt even true, people spread things because it makes them feel better or trying to put you in their place. Why do people do that. I never understand why people do certain things. I try everyday to be a better person. I pray God to help me with patience, that is something I struggle with. Im not exactly sure why.
Somewhere in time is a wonderful movie, and also horrible at the same time, it is probably one of the saddest movies. When I listen to the orchestra version of the song, I immediatly start tearing up. It just fills my mind with memories. More of my childhood and how I use to see my parents everyday never thinking that one day, I wouldnt. Sometimes I get mad at how life is run. it feels unfair sometimes but God is with us and put us here for some purpose. I guess I am still trying to figure mine out. I dont understand why someone wants to hurt people.
I think the thing that hurts the most is when they know they are hurting someone and you always have that hope, hoping they will come see how you are, apologize, remorse, anything. I wish I could just screw it like they say to do and move on but I think my heart is too big. i let people in too easily, I trust them to much.
I never talk to my brother. I miss him. When I was little I use to watch him and want to do everything he did. I thought everything he did was brilliant. Even though he made me cry in the bath tub with a plastic shark.Thats all, I don't think anyone is even reading but its ok, its more for me again anyways, to anyone out there, good night.
